The Longest Telephone Message Ever, from Lulu, whom I’d just seen a couple hours ago and also just spoken on the phone with maybe 30 minutes ago.
Jenny, Jenny, Jenny! It’s me. Anyway, I’m just having a Diet Pepsi waiting for my husband to get home. I’m almost all chatted out but I had to leave you this little message because I knew only you would appreciate it. Okay, so I come home, you call, we talk, blah, blah, blah. I have dinner. I run a bath. My father calls. He leaves a message. I call him back. I’m like, what are you doing? He’s like, I had a busy week. Why? Cause I spent 21,000 dollars. What?! What did you spend all that money on? Oh, I bought a cottage. I’m like, what? A cottage. Acottage for 21 thousand dollars. Anyway, he’s so excited. I’m like, are you kidding me? I couldn’t even buy toilet paper in Toronto for that. Anyway, it’s winterized. The guy sold it with all the furniture and everything in it. And get this, this is he part where you and I would not buy it. It is in the tiniest, tiniest little Newfoundland stereotypical fishing community. But he loves that. When he bought it he slept in it that night. The guy gave him the keys right there on the spot. Everyone came over, they had a barbeque. They all know each other now. They went to buy beer and it’s for sale in some guy’s house. My father knocks and the guy says, what the hell are you doing knocking? Nobody knocks here, man. Anyway, he didn’t say man, they spoke in Newfanese. Anyway, I had to leave you this long message. I’m exhausted and now I’m going to fall asleep. Haaaaaaa! I think we’re going to go Sean’s friend’s cottage tomorrow. I’m kind of excited now that I had that conversation with my father. I’m feeling pretty excited about life. Anyway don’t get all teary eyed caused I’m leaving you a sappy message. Youknew I was excited tonight because when you walked home with me from work I was a big chatterbox and I just need to have a little conversation, even if it’s with myself. [pause] I know you’re laughing at me. [pause] Bye.