You guys, running is hard.
Remember how Lulu and I are training for a 5K? (And how the Boss—the cancer patient—is training for a half marathon? Hey, some of us were born great. Some of us have to work really hard for mediocrity.)
So we’re using this Couch to 5K app, which is basically a run-walk interval program. You run, you walk, you run, you walk. As you progress, the running intervals get longer, and the walking intervals get shorter. A nice lady turns down your music and says, “Now run! You’re doing great!” She’s very soothing and even-toned, this lady. It’s kind of disconcerting: she turns down my Gaga and announces, “Brisk walk!”
Really, it should be the reverse. Lady Gaga needs to record one of these apps. Imagine: At the appropriate time, Gaga rips though your brain shrieking, “You’re a freak bitch, baby! RUN!!!!!”
There are a zillion versions of this app, and I ask you in all seriousness, why not a Lady Gaga one? Somebody should run with this. No pun intended. (This is just like the time I invented that banana Tupperware thing in my head and then ten years later someone actually made it.) Come on, Gaga, come on, venture capitalists of the world: Mediocre girls everywhere need you.